


Eternity

by asmaanixx



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: En route to Earth, First Kiss, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Panic Attacks, introspective, keith helps lance, post 7x04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-30 23:36:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15762054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asmaanixx/pseuds/asmaanixx
Summary: On their way back to Earth, Lance has a mental breakdown regarding his death and Keith's treatment towards him during the game show.





	Eternity

It's okay.

It's just a joke. A bluff.

Keith didn't  ** _really_ ** mean by what he said. He was just frustrated with Bob and his stupid, life-threatening games. He was just concerned about everyone and wanted to leave that hellhole as soon as possible. That's all it was.

Besides, Lance knows full well what Keith's temper is like. Heck, Lance himself has been the catalyst behind Keith's short fuse. He knows when Keith is joking and when he's being spiteful.

But what Keith said this time around... it hurt. A  _lot_.

Eternity.

Lance never gave much thought to it before it sure feels like a long time. He can romantically engage in the idea of being with someone for that long but he's not sure if he can actually go through with it in practice.

Then again, if there's anything that his time in space has taught him, it's that time is fickle. It simply can't be trusted. After all wasn't Keith their age merely one week ago? And now he has supposedly aged a whole two years. Lance would have had a hard time believing that if it weren't for Keith's body. There is no way a growth spurt would have hit Keith and made him age  _like that_ in just one week.

Two years. Keith has grown a whole two years without them.

Lance is glad he got the opportunity to spend it with his mom. All alone, with no one to disturb them. No distress signals, no missions. Just them and their words and companionship.

Lance wishes they could reach Earth soon. The ache to be wrapped by his mother's arms is becoming increasingly strong.

Being away from his family. Now  _that_ feels like an eternity.

How many times has he thought he would breathe his last without seeing them? His body never reaching Earth? Just floating in space? In the metallic hulk of a giant red robot lion?

Lance freezes. His hands have gone cold and his heart drops.

He did die.

He did breathe his last.

His body didn't reach Earth.

He was floating in space.

In the metallic hulk of a giant red robot lion.

He was resurrected.

But he did die.

Lance leans back against the chair, his hands hanging loosely around the controls. His eyes glaze over and the space outside becomes meaningless.

He died.

He  _fricking **died**_.

And now he's here. Going home.

But he  _died_.

Going back home. To Mama and Papa. Veronica and Marco and Luis. And abuela and abuelo.

He  _died_.

He's here.

He's here.

He's breathing.

He's  _right **here**_.

He died.

He's here. Here. 

**Here.**

Dead.

Died.

_Died_.

Here.

He's here.

Eternity.

Don't want to spend an eternity.

With  _him_.

He was dead.

For an eternity.

He's here. He would be gone. For an eternity.

No coming back. For an eternity.

He was dead.

Is dead.

_Was_ dead.

Eternity.

He was gone. For an eternity.

No, short time. He was brought back. He  _is_ back. He's  _alive_.

Alive. Alive. Alive.

What does that mean?

Alive. Dead. Eternity.

Eternity.

Eternity.

Eternity.

Don't want to spend it.

With him.

With him.

With him.

_Him_.

Eternity.

"Lance!" His body shakes but he's still so far away.

So far.

Eternity.

Life. Death.

Alive. Dead.

Dead. Dead. Dead.

Eternity.

"Lance! Snap out of it!"

Another shake.

Another shout.

Frantic. Pleading. Frantic pleading.

Crying. Worrying.

Someone's worrying.

Who's worrying?

For him.

_Him_.

Someone's worrying for him.

His pupils narrow into slits. Trying to gain something to focus.

Focus. He needs to focus. Someone's worrying for him. He needs to snap out of this. Tell them it's okay. To stop. He's okay.

Okay.

He's okay.

The chair swivels around. He's no longer staring out into space. His helmet is removed. It clanks against the floor. His breathing is shallow. His eyes are still slit. Unfocused. Focus. He needs to  _focus_.

Two hands cup his cheeks. Hands. They're cold. He's hot. So hot. When did he get so hot?

Alive. Hot. If he's hot, he's alive. That's good. Good. Good sign. Nice sign. He's alive. Alive.  _Alive_.

Purple. Eyes. So big. They're huge. Galaxies. Lance can see galaxies. The universe. Multiple universes. He can see so many of them. Burning and swirling. Alive. There's  _so much life_.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm right here." Words. Spoken. Whispered. Promised.

Thumbs sweep across his cheeks?

Why?

Crying. Who's crying?

His eyes sting. They're hot and salty.

Oh.  _Oh_.  _He's_ crying.

Lance is crying. And Keith's there.

Lance is crying and Keith's there. For him.

For  _him_.

Keith's there for him. And he's crying.

He cries. And cries and cries.

Why is he crying so much?

He was dead. But now he's here.

Keith didn't want an eternity. But now he's here.

_Now_.

They're both here.

Keith. Lance.

They're both here.

Lance leans forward. His head drops onto Keith's shoulder. It's hesitant. Ready to be pulled back at any sign of Keith's discomfort. He doesn't do this after all. Isn't all that good with comforting people, especially when they're in emotional distress.

Keith wraps his arms around Lance's waist and pulls him closer.

He's learned. Probably from the two years he spent with his mom.

Mom.

_His_ mom.

Lance cries harder.

A hand sweeps through his hair. He's trying to soothe him. Comfort him.

Why is he here? He should be in his lion. He's the leader. He shouldn't be here. Could have sent anyone. Coran. Romelle. Krolia or Wolf. Anyone. He shouldn't be here.

Eternity.

No. There is no eternity.

Death.

Dead.

Eternity.

Lance grips Keith tighter. His sobs choke him. His squeezing heart threatens to kill him. Again.

This time - eternity.

Death is eternal.

Dead. Dead. Dead.

Keith's arms coil tighter around Lance's waist.

_ALIVE_.  _ALIVE. **ALIVE**_.

Lance's fingers try to dig into Keith's back but he can't. There's the metal armor. Cold. Distant. Dead. He can't feel.

Skin. Heat. Alive.

He needs to feel.

Lance lifts his head. His breath is hot and slow. The fringes of his hair brush against Keith's.

Close. They're so close.  _He's_ so close.

He can... feel him. Lance can feel Keith. The heat. The warmth from his body. His head. His mind. The galaxies swirling in his eyes. He can see the. Lance can see them so clearly from here. Eternity. He probably could spend an eternity looking at them. Wrapped in this heat. Feeling so alive. Life. There is so much life wrapped in those eyes. Lance wants that. He wants to feel it. To be so alive. How does that feel? To be a vessel of something so beautiful.

Beautiful.

Keith is beautiful.

So beautiful.

So close.

That beauty is so close to him.

Him. Lance. That beauty is close to Lance.

"How are you feeling now?" Keith's eyes are fixed on him.

Lance is breathing. He feels hot. His cheeks, his face, his hands and his arms.

He should move. This is too close. Too close. He's too close to Keith. He doesn't want him. He never wants him. Would never want him.

Want.

Keith doesn't want him.

Lance is numb.

Why does he care?

Doesn't want him.

Doesn't want to be with  _him._ For an eternity.

"Lance?" Keith's head drops. His hand is still on a cheek. His eyes roam across his face.

He's still here. Why is he still here?

Why is  _he_ still here? He was dead. And now he's not.

Why?

Lance leans back against the chair. Swivels around. His hands go back to the controls. He can't see anything but empty space. No. Space isn't empty. There's life. So much life. It's filled to the brim with it.  _He's_ empty. There is nothing. In him.

His chair swivels again. With force.

Keith leans forward and clutches the arm chairs. Hard.

Space. There is hardly any space between them.

He's so close. Lance, he's so far. He wants to be close. Close to him, Keith. He's so close. He wants it.

Lance is struck like lightning.

Want? Keith?

How fucking  _dare_ he!

He can't!

Not him. Not Keith. 

Keith - the leader. Keith - the hero. Keith - his friend. Friend.

_His_ friend.

Friend, who doesn't want him.

Lance's eyes narrow. He's so far away again.

"Lance, tell me what's wrong." Soft. His voice is so soft. Why is it so soft? For him? "Lance, please."

His eyes. They're so soft. The galaxies. There are sparks. Life. Sparks of life. Reaching out to him.  _Him_. Lance. Keith. Keith's eyes. Keith's life. Keith. Reaching out. To him. Keith is. Reaching out. Him. Keith is reaching out to him.

Speak. Words. Lance needs to speak. Words. Word. Something. Anything. Dead. Alive. Keith. Life. Lance. Dead. Keith is life. Lance is dead. No. Alive. Alive. Lance is alive. Keith is life. Alive. They're both alive.

"Lance please say something." Keith is crouching. He gazes up to look at Lance. He keeps trying. Patient. He's so patient. Him.  _For_ him.

Friend.

Want.

**_NO_**.

Lance clasps his hands and legs tightly together. His brows scrunch. Hurt. Dead. He wants - no he  ** _can't_** want. Keith doesn't. So why should he? How can he? He  ** _can't_**.

Dead. Eternity.

His breathing quickens. His eyes are frantic.

Want. Dead. Eternity.

Don't want to be with him.

"Lance." Frantic words. Cold fingers are wrapping around his palms. "Lance!"

Breathe. Breathe. In. And out. In. Out.

"Lance, can you please say something?"

Words. More words are spoken. Not to him. Someone. On the comms. Help. He's asking for help.

"Lance?"' Deeper. Shiro.

Shiro's here.

Dead.

Shiro was dead.

He had reached out to him.  _Him_. Lance. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't help him. So he stayed dead. Useless. He was so useless. Is still useless.

Dead.

Eternity.

Better.

That will be better.

He should be dead.

Why  _isn't_ he dead?

Shiro. Alive. Better. Black Lion. Leader. Order.

Keith. Back. With Red.

Lance. Gone. Better.

Better.

His heart beat slows.

Better.

Dead.

Was dead.

Alive. Now.

Now.

_Now_.

He's alive.  _Now_.

"Lance please. Speak to me."

Galaxies. He can't see them.

Warm hands. Running through his hair.

More talk.

His body moves. Not him.

More talk. Auto-pilot. Land on nearby planet.

Fix him. Deal with him. Problem. Lance. Better dead.

Shiro, Black. Keith, Red. Lance. Dead.

His eyes close. Warm hands run through his hair. His heart beats slow.

Peace. Sleep.

Will get some peace if he sleeps.

Hands. Warm hands.Thighs. Cold. Metallic.

His eyes open. He sees white and red.

Red.

Keith's red.

Thighs. They're Keith's thighs. 

Hands. They're Keith's hands. Running through his hair. Still running.

Warm. Caring. Here.

He's here.

He's right here when he shouldn't be. Shiro's here. Keith can leave. He's the leader. Why doesn't he leave? What happened to eternity?

"I was dead." Words spoken. Out loud.

Silence.

The hands stop.

Quiet. It's too quiet.

Lance wants to sleep. Where he can find peace. But the words are spoken. He can't find peace. Not anymore.

Foolish Lance. Stupid Lance. What an idiot.

Shut up. He should really learn how to shut up.

No wonder no body wants him. For eternity.

The hands continue. The fingers dig deeper. All the way to the scalp.

Soothing. It's so soothing. He feels an odd peace. A sleeping peace. A peace where his worries are being taken away.

"I'm sorry." Broken words. Soft spoken. Only meant for him.

Him.

Between him.

And him.

Them.

Hurt. So much hurt. So much pain.

Numb.

Lance doesn't feel it. The hurt. The pain.

There's an ache. From when he wants. Which he  ** _can't_**.

But there's an ache.

A secret. He can't speak. Can't have. Can't dare.

He can't.

He won't be sorry. Won't rake his fingers. Won't comfort him. Care for him. Be there for him. Like now.

Can't want. It's okay. He doesn't want and that should be okay. Okay.  ** _Okay_**. Try to be okay. Try not to want. He's alive. Alive. Try to want others. Things. Other things. That will be okay.

Him...  ** _NO!_**

Forbidden. Not allowed.

Galaxies far away. Can't touch, can't speak, can't be near. He  _cannot want **him**_.

His fingers dig into the palm of his hands. His eyebrows scrunch tightly. His legs curl up, like a fetus.

Fetus. Baby. Mom. Mama.

Dead. Was dead.

"Shh, it's okay." Hand glides over his face and hair. Soothing. Warm. Kind.

Miss his home. Miss his family. Their love, their hugs and kisses.

Kisses. Kiss.

Kiss...

Want...

No...

Breathing slows.

Want...

Kiss...

Kisses. To the galaxies. To life. From life. Kisses from life. A kiss to bring life. A kiss from life. Alive. He wants to feel alive. A kiss. A touch. Want. He wants. To  _be_ wanted. For a moment. For eternity. By someone. By the galaxies. By life. Just once. Maybe just a little. A fraction of a second. He can stretch it. Make it eternal.

He huffs hot breaths.

Want.

Can he? Be wanted? By someone?

"I'm sorry I said that to you. I-I didn't really mean it. I..." A huff. "It's just... Bob... he was pissing me off. I know that's not an excuse for what I said to you. Especially considering what happened to you. I mean, you were..." There's a tug on Lance's hair. A deep curl of fingers eliciting a sliver of pain. "...and I didn't even... how could I when I'm not even here? I know what the risks are. We're the Paladins. We put our lives in danger all the time. But..." A choked sob. "Shiro was dead and we didn't know. You were dead and I didn't-"

A head lowers itself and rests upon his. It's warm. A nose pokes and flattens itself against his scalp. Lance feels hot tears and hot breath against his hair.

Crying. Keith's crying.

No. No, no. That's wrong. Keith can't cry. He shouldn't. Not for him. Never for him.

Lance turns around. He wants to hug him. He cups his cheeks instead. Wipes away Keith's tears like he did his.

The galaxies. They're spilling. Dripping out of their homes. Because of him. That's not right. It should never happen for him. Or because of him.

"Don't cry." He whispers.

"I hurt you." Keith chokes.

A small shrug. "It's okay. Am used to it."

"No." His brows scrunch, body shifts to accommodate Lance better. "No Lance, it's not okay. This was not okay. I-" His brows scrunch even deeper.

He's blaming himself. It's not right. He can't do that. But he did hurt him... right?

Lance _is_ hurt. _Is_ in pain. It may be numb, but it's still pain. Right?

But that was because he was dead. Keith didn't have anything to do with that. He wasn't even here. That was all Lance. Because he was stupid and foolish. In love.

He was in love.

A love that didn't want him back.

Want.

Him.

Didn't.

No one. Does.

"Lance?" Galaxies look back at him. They're searching.

Him. They're looking for him. But Lance feels so far away. He wants to reach out but he doesn't know how or if he should. He can't reach out for the galaxies. Why would they even want him? What did he even do that warrants their desire?

Lance looks up into the galaxies. He wants to see the emptiness so that he can enlarge the numbing void in his shell of a body but he can't. He doesn't see black holes or endless space. Like always, he sees life. He can feel it swirling around in those irises. The specks of deep purple and shining white against a black backdrop.

So  _beautiful_.

He wants.  _So badly_ but he can't.

He wants to but he just can't and he needs to accept that.

Keith's hand sweeps across his cheek.

"You know you can come to me for anything right? I may not be good at it but I can try. I-  _will_ try." His eyelids flicker with confidence. "You came to me once before. You can do it again. Anytime." His fingers dig deeper into Lance's back like they're urging him to spill out all the dark thoughts swirling around his brain right now.

But he's right. He did go to him before. He was insecure about his place on the team. Didn't know who to pilot, whether the Lions will accept him. Felt like the seventh wheel. He went to Keith. It made sense since he was the leader. But he took a massive leap by doing so. Keith was his rival turned teammate. Then it was leader and friend. Now... no, it's still leader and friend. Nothing more. Keith is a leader,  _his_ leader. He's reaching out to Lance and telling him to open up because he's the leader. He can't have Lance be like this. He's speaking for the team. The universe, the galaxy.

Galaxies... they're still looking back at him. Waiting. For him to speak.

But he doesn't want to speak. He just wants to look back. For eternity.

He wants to lose himself. How nice would it be to lose himself in them?

His lips tremble. They want to smile but if he does, then he'll cry. He didn't mean to, but his hand cups Keith's cheek. He should remove it. It's the right thing to do. What _is_ he even doing? Touching Keith, looking at him as if he holds the answers to the known universe. Like he would honor Lance by sharing just one of them. He's not worthy of it.

His hand starts to slip but Keith holds it in place. The pads of his fingers press against Lance's long ones.

Why is he doing this? Why is he holding on? Keith should let him go. He should leave him. Like he did so many times in the past. Leave him and become someone better. Someone stronger, wiser, smarter. He should create more galaxies. It's okay. Lance already died once. So what if he does so again?

His eyelids droop.

It's okay. He can do this. He can break away from him. It's just Keith. It shouldn't be a problem.

He tries to remove his hand but Keith holds on. His fingers dig into the side of Lance's waist. It's a gentle nudge to the side and upwards. A quiet press of Lance's body against his.

It's not what Lance thinks. It's not a desire that mimics his. This is something different. A worry, a tension for what is going on with his friend. No, not friend - a teammate. Yeah, that's right. A teammate. He's looking at the big picture like a leader should. He's concerned for Lance because of what it means for Voltron. He's worried about him because right now Lance is needed for the team. But once that's no longer the case...

Lance squeezes his eyes shut.

He'll be replaced. He'll be asked to leave and Lance won't have anything to refute it. Red will reject him and he won't have a reason to stay behind. He won't be wanted. Not by the team, not by his friends, not even by his Lions. He'll be extremely lucky if he can make it back to Earth. Back to his family. To Mama and Papa.

Home, he just wants to go back home.

Keith releases his hand and shifts it to a hug. His hands wrap tightly around Lance. It's getting tight to the point it hurts but that's good. If he feels hurt, then surely he's alive. But he doesn't want to feel hurt. Especially not by Keith. No, he never wants to be hurt by him again. Lance can feel the numbing pain standing at the back of his head like a silent shadow. This hug itself is hurting him beyond the physical. He should be happy he's getting a hug but it's not the one he wants. Keith isn't hugging him for the reasons Lance wants him to. He feels horrible for even thinking about it because how dare he wish such a thing from Keith? He can't demand such a thing from him when he has already stated he doesn't want him.

He tries wriggling away but Keith's arms coil even tighter. He feels Keith's hot breaths blow across his lips. There's sweat accumulating on both their faces. Lance is starting to feel giddy and tired. He just wants some peace.

Maybe a kiss... He is close.

_Oh so close_.

Would it be so wrong for him to -  _ **yes!**_  

But he just -  ** _no!_**

He wants... just a little. Just a little taste. Maybe a soft brush. Keith might not even notice it. If he does, Lance can just quickly close his eyes and pretend he's asleep. Which in all honesty, doesn't seem like such a bad idea. Maybe all he needs to do is sleep this off. A quick little nap and he'll be alright.

But Keith is  _right there_. All he has to do is lift his head up a little. Perhaps do a little pout and his bottom lip can brush against his.

Or he should just rip himself away before it gets too late.

After all he can't want this. If Keith doesn't, then how can he? He can't put his leader in a position like that. He's just trying to help. That's all it is. A leader helping his subordinate. That's all it is.

Yes.

"Lance," His name is whispered against his lips and  _oh dear Lord it feels so good_.

Tears stream out of the corner of Lance's eyes.

It's both a blessing and a curse.

"Lance," It's whispered again and this time Lance feels all of it. His name wraps itself around his lips and occupies the little cavern that exists between their faces. Keith's fingers dig even deeper into Lance's body and pull him upward.

Lance inhales a shaky breath and refuses to close his lips. He can't even though he should. He knows for sure this time around he'll make contact with Keith's lips. This _will_ be a kiss. There is no other way to look at it.

Does Keith even know what he's doing? Or is he too wrapped in his own head to see Lance for who he truly is?

No, Keith can't... he didn't... he said so himself. He doesn't want him. Not now, not ever.

Lance needs to break away before-

Oh...

...

_Oh..._

That was... it was, wasn't it?

It was brief. The barest of touches but he knows it was there. He had his entire attention focused on it. There was no way he could be mistaken.

Oh, it's there again.

It's just a daring touch. A very light press as if it was testing waters.

 It did happen right? What if Lance is just imagining all this? Surely Keith didn't purposely kiss him on purpose. Why would he? There is no reason for him to do so. He doesn't want him remember? 

There's no way Keith would ever want to-

_Oh..._ it's... that's definitely...

Lance widens his mouth just a bit and there it is. There's no doubt about it. This is definitely a kiss.

Keith. Is kissing. Him.

_Him_.

Keith is kissing _**him.**_

Fingers dig deeper into Lance's waist and pull him upwards. He moves them with such ease. It's like they've been having this dance forever.

Keith keeps kissing him. One peck, two pecks, three.

It's fervent. Drastic. Heated.

He pulls Lance's bottom lip between his teeth then sucks it to soothe it. He dashes his tongue and laves at the plump flesh as if it was an apology.

Is this an apology? Is Keith kissing him because he feels guilty?

No, this isn't want Lance wants. He doesn't want these kisses if they're borne out of guilt. He wants them only if  _Keith_ wants them. He wants  _Keith_ to want these kisses just as much as he does.

Lance breathes sharply and would have pulled away but Keith refuses to let him do so. He pulls Lance even closer and takes the opportunity to dash his tongue inside Lance's mouth. If he could, Lance would have squeaked. He settles on resting his hands on Keith's shoulders instead and lets Keith do what he wants. Lance trembles at the feeling of his tongue being sucked so furiously. It's otherworldly. It's energetic. It's... it's...

It's making him feel  _alive_.

Lance's fingers play at the nape of Keith's neck and for once is glad he has a mullet. He can run his fingers through his hair, and pull at them as little teases.

"Yes," Keith pants when Lance tugs at them just a little too tight. "Keep doing that." Keith shifts Lance's hands higher up his head so that Lance can run his hands through all his hair.

"You... you want this?" Lance asks quietly. His eyes are searching through those swirling galaxies for any sign of him being wrong.

"Yeah..." Keith's eyelids lower and his brows raise in question. "Do you?"

Lance wants to cry.

_Yes, yes, **yes!**_

He  ** _does_** want this.

He would have voiced it too but Shiro clears his throat. "Umm... sorry to interrupt you boys, but we're here."

For the first time Lance properly acknowledges Shiro's presence. He's seated before the Red Lion and is overseeing their landing onto the new planet. Lance isn't sure if Shiro is in full control of Red but it's a thought he doesn't want to entertain at this moment. He can't lose Red right now.

"Well, you could just leave us alone in here." Keith suggests.

Lance is stunned.

"True." Shiro answers with a knowing smile. He gets up from his seat and pats Wolf who manifested itself into the Lion. "I'll check on the others and see if they need anything for refueling and whatnot. Just give me a shout if you need anything."

"Will do."

"Oh, and Lance? You know you can share anything with us right? You don't have to keep it all to yourself." Lance lowers his head. "I think... it will do us all some good if we actually talked about this rather than pretend like it didn't happen."

"I'm... I'm still not sure _what_ happened right now." Lance admits.

His fingers curl into a tight fist. He can hear Shiro's footsteps approach him but he doesn't dare look up. He doesn't want to erase the warm feeling he got from kissing Keith. He was just starting to feel alive.

Shiro crouches before him and puts a hand on his shoulder. "You had a breakdown Lance. I'm not sure what was going on in your mind, but I think it will really help you if you talked it out with someone."

"But... I  _died_." Lance chokes. "I... I don't even know where to start with that."

"You start anywhere you like. Even if it doesn't make sense." Shiro answers. "Trust me Lance. It took me some time to get used to the idea of being dead too. Not to mention I had to then accept the fact that I'm now a spirit who can only sit back and watch as a clone impersonated me and hung out with all of you." 

"And now you're here." Lance says faintly.

"And now I'm here." Shiro agrees with a chuckle.

"And that's what matters." Keith chimes in, giving Lance's hand a squeeze. "You're right though Shiro. We all do have a lot to talk about. It's best if we hold a session soon and let it all out. I don't want someone else to have a breakdown while we're in the middle of battle or on a mission."

"Agreed." Shiro stands up and walks over to Wolf. "I'll have a talk with Allura and see if we can do something tonight."

With a nod from Keith acting as his signal, Wolf and Shiro teleport out of the Red Lion.

It's oddly quiet now with Shiro gone. Lance could feel Keith's presence engulf the entire cockpit. Red must have missed her former Paladin quite a lot as he can feel her low humming. Lance wants to turn his attention back to him and show Keith just how much he appreciates him but he's oddly scared. Shiro's words have brought upon a new fear. It's one thing to share his secrets with Keith but to the other teammates? Where should he even start?

He doesn't want to bring up his feelings for Allura. He doesn't want to complicate his relationship with her as they have already achieved something so wonderful. The amount of respect and love he has for her is unparalleled. Frankly, he's quite proud of himself for being able to achieve such a feat for someone whom he had deep feelings for. He credits the endless space and limited connection to other species as a reasoning behind his ability to feel this way for her. He's pretty sure if Allura had been just another girl back at the Garrison, he would have moved on from her quite easily.

However, he's not at the Garrison and Allura isn't just another girl. Then there's the matter of the fact that Lotor went ahead and made things even more complicated for them. Even if Lance wanted, he can't confess his feelings to her since it just wouldn't be right. Lance knows what it feels like to have a first crush. A first kiss. For Allura, Lotor was it. At least after waking up after ten thousand years. And it was  _Lotor_. The son of the Galra who annihilated her entire planet. Her home, her family, her people. It couldn't have been easy for her to fall for him and yet she did. And she got hurt so badly because of it. Lance can't do this to her. If Allura is to love him then he wants it to be for  _him_. Not because she's settling on him. He really has no interest in being someone's rebound. He'll be there for her whenever she wants him, but as a friend. And that's what's best for everyone involved.

"What's on your mind?" Keith bumps their heads together.

Lance has decided - he will never get over the small smiles Keith sends his way. They fill his heart with so much happiness he fears it will overflow and manifest itself as wide grins.

"You." Lance answers.

"Oh?" Keith leans forward, keeping their foreheads pressed together.

Lance hums. "You kissed me."

"I did." Keith nudges their nose.

"Because..." Lance trails off. He could have questioned him directly but he wants to give Keith the opportunity to supply the answer honestly.

"I wanted to." Keith whispers. His breath is becoming heated again.

"You..." Lance's lips tremble. "You  _wanted_ to kiss me?"

"I still do." Keith nips Lance's bottom lip. "And now." Another nip. "And now." One more.

"Okay." Lance laughs into a full kiss by Keith.

"How are you feeling now?" Keith asks as Lance shifts his body so that he's being cradled in Keith's arms.

"Tired." Lance croons as Keith's fingers rake through his hair. "I just want to shut my brain off for a while."

"Would you like me to make your bed?"

Lance thinks for a bit. He would love to sleep in a proper bed but that would mean if he'll move from his spot right now. Worse yet, Keith will have to move and take away his warmth for who knows how long. And then there's no guarantee that he'll join him for a little nap. He might just join Shiro in restocking supplies and doing other leadership tasks. Besides, just because Keith wanted to kiss him doesn't mean he'll want to do other things. Just how far does his affections for Lance even go?

"You're quiet again." Keith remarks as he trails his fingers up and down Lance's arm.

"I thought you liked to see me shut up." Lance teases through his heavy eye lids.

"Only when I'm the one shutting you up." Keith leans forward and kisses Lance again. It's slow and sweet. But it's hot and sexy too.

There's an undercurrent of desire running in the kiss and Lance wonders if it's just him or if Keith is sending these signals too.

Lance inhales a shaky breath as Keith takes a moment to run his eyes down Lance's body.

"Keith-"

"Imma go make that bed for you." Keith interrupts, making Lance sit up abruptly.

In swift movements, he has left the cockpit and has traveled elsewhere in Red to find a place for him to sleep in. Lance could just tell Keith where he's been sleeping all these days but he's curious to see what Keith would pick out for him. It's funny as to how much Lance would like to simply watch Keith  _do_ things. It will be interesting to see just how much he has changed over the years.

Lance takes off the bulk of his armor and adjusts it underneath his armpits. He drags his feet out of the cockpit and wanders into the lone room emitting light. It's not much to go by in terms of comfort but at least he'll be secure from any potential danger. He smiles fondly as he thinks back to the room he used to have back on Earth. He can't remember the softness of the mattress or how snug his freshly laundered blankets made him. He does remember all the posters that were tacked upon his walls and the way the fresh sunlight woke him up every morning.

Morning, sun - they have become such foreign concepts to him. He wonders if he'll ever get used to them again once he gets back to Earth.

"Come here." Keith extends his hand to Lance which he graciously accepts.

His armor falls to the floor with loud clanks but Lance could care less about them right now. He slumps forward into Keith's arms and lets him support him.

Keith chuckles. "You really are tired."

"I told you I was." Lance mumbles into Keith's shoulder.

"Yeah. You should get some sleep while you can." Keith suggests, leading Lance towards the bed.

It doesn't take long before Lance's head hits the pillow. Normally he would switch out of his battle gear into a pair of his comfy pyjamas but he can't muster up enough energy to do so. And he sure as hell isn't about to ask Keith to change his clothes for him. They may have shared a few kisses but they haven't reached  _that_ level yet.

Which begs the question, what level are they even on? What  _does_ Lance want from all of this? They've kissed but... is that it? Does he want more? If he does, then what is it? It's not sex. He hasn't even thought that far. Sure, he's gotten a bit heated from Keith's kisses and his body has been aching for  _something more_ but he doubts it was sex.

Is that what Keith wants from him? Just sex? A way to release his feelings and anything else he has pent up?

Lance curls further in on himself. He really needs to find a way to silence his mind quickly or he'll never be able to get some sleep.

"Mind if I join you?" Lance lifts his eyes and is surprised to see Keith standing before him without his armor.

He silently scoots over until his back is hitting the wall, creating ample amount of room for Keith. The space is quickly occupied and Lance feels a mild better. His eyes drift closed. He's so close to falling asleep. He just needs to silence his mind. Can't think about Keith lying there next to him. He feels Keith run his hand across his arm back and forth. The gesture is soothing and is helping to lull him. The kiss on his forehead tingles and spreads itself like a spidery web through the dark clouds forming in his mind.

Lance turns around so that his body connects with Keith's like it was meant to. Lance wants to think more about how solid Keith's body is when wrapped around him, or how safe he feels from the demons inhabiting in his own mind. He would give it some thought but he simply doesn't have the energy to do so right now.

He just wants some sleep and he's glad he could finally do it without feeling so guilty about it.

Keith's right here, right now. He has Lance wrapped tightly in his arms and he's not willing to let him go. That's what matters.

He may not have the sun to wake him up in the morning but at least he'll be able to see the galaxies.

And that, to Lance, is a pleasant thought to have before he sleeps.

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Once Shiro arrives, he takes over the controls and puts Red in auto-pilot. While she's essentially riding herself, Shiro is overseeing things to make sure she and rest of the Paladins are operating okay. Keith takes Lance aside, seats them both on the floor and proceeds to try to help Lance.
> 
> 2\. This is very introspective and I spend way too much time in Lance's head, possibly at the expense of the other characters and surroundings. (I.e., establishing the setting) Lemme know if you had a hard time trying to grasp what was going on because of it.
> 
> 3\. I'm writing again after a really long time so mistakes are abound. If you catch any, please lemme know.
> 
> 4\. Kudos/Comments/Criticism are always appreciated. <3


End file.
